I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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