i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The uberlube is also flammable
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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