She's JV to your varsity
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
