Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
