We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
