I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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