based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
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You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
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He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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