i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
