I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
