Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
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Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
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Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck