i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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