If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
my liver is dry heaving
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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