Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My vagina is officially offended.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
