Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
