i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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