Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
