he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
