nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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