Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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