Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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