I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
