Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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