I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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