Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
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