Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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