You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
