I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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