i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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