bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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