The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize