Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
