just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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