he puts the penis in happiness.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
