man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
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I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
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Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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