Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
