Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
