A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize
