1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
