Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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