Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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