The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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