Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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