I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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