so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
