Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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