my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
