my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
