Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
