If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
