Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
