Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
