The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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