Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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