Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
