He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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