guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
