i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
