did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
