I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
