There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
