How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
