Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
