Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
